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We all have fears of different sizes and shapes, and it is important to learn what they are and face them directly. Courage overcomes the feeling of helplessness and encourages us to think clearly and take action in any given situation. When we increase our understanding of ourself and others, fear and hatred are much less likely to take root.
We tend to fear the unknown. If we choose to remain in fear, then one fear can lead to another fear, which will only lead to additional fears. If we constantly live in a fearful state, there will always be something to be afraid of. "He who fears to suffer, suffers from fear." - French proverb. Most fears are educated into us. The good news - they can also be educated out of us! “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when people are afraid of the light.” - Plato. Perhaps one fear you may be dealing with is a lack of the awareness of the presence of God in your life? The good news - as we read and learn more and more about the promises of God found in scripture we begin to realize God 'is' actively present in our lives, and many aspects of our fears (hopefully) will disappear into the mists of the unreal. Like a snowball dropped into a pail of hot water, fear dissolves, and is replaced with reinforced faith. Twenty-nine Bible verses about fear: (click here) "The way of a superior person is threefold. Virtuous, they are free from anxieties; wise, they are free from perplexities; bold, they are free from fear." - Confucius
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If you knew of one thing we could all do that would make the world a better place, would you do it? The Golden Rule can help us achieve this if only we will practice what it says. Jesus gave his own wording to the Golden Rule, and it is expressed in various forms in every major religion. Similar ideas of conduct are found the literature of Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, and the writings of Aristotle, Plato, and Seneca. In Jewish literature the negative expression of the Golden Rule appears in various places as "What you hate, do not do to anyone."
Think for a moment about the person, Jesus of Nazareth, to whom these words are accredited. Jesus started his career as a carpenter. He 'hammered' home the idea that it is just plain, good common sense to treat others the way you wish to be treated yourself. If you don't want to be cheated, don't cheat. if you don't want to be lied to, don't lie to others. And so on. The Golden Rule offers a pattern, or a plan, that we can memorize and follow and build upon. To treat others as you wish to be treated is a plan that works wonderfully from all angles, on all sides, and for all concerned. There must be something powerfully effective in the Golden Rule because its guidance, with slightly different phrasing, is found in every major religion and regarded as one of the basic principles of life. Brahmanism: This is the sum of duty: do naught unto others which would cause you pain if done unto you. Buddhism: Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find harmful. Confucianism: Do not unto others what you would not have them do unto you. Hindu: The true role of life is to guard and do by the things of others as they do on their own. Islam: No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself. Judaism: Whatever is hurtful to yourself, do not to your fellowman. That is the whole of the law, the rest is merely commentary. Persian: Do as you would be done by. Taoism: Regard your neighbor's gain as your own gain and your neighbor's loss as your own loss. Aristotle sees ethical theory as a field distinct from the rest. Its methodology must match its subject matter—good action—and must respect the fact that in this field many generalizations hold only for the most part. We study ethics in order to improve our lives, and therefore its principal concern is the nature of human well-being.
Aristotle follows Socrates and Plato in taking the virtues to be central to a well-lived life. Like Plato, he regards the ethical virtues (justice, courage, temperance and so on) as complex rational, emotional and social skills. But he rejects Plato's idea that to be completely virtuous one must acquire, through education in the sciences, mathematics, and philosophy, an understanding of what goodness is. What we need, according to Aristotle, in order to live well, is a proper appreciation of the way in which such things as friendship, pleasure, virtue, honor and possessions fit together as a whole. In order to apply that general understanding to particular cases, we must acquire, through our upbringing and habits, the ability to see, on each occasion, which course of action is best supported by reasons. Therefore practical wisdom, as he conceives it, cannot be acquired solely by learning general rules. We must also acquire, through practice, those deliberative, emotional, and social skills that enable us to put our general understanding of well-being into practice in ways that are suitable to each occasion. ~ Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy “We believe that we can change the things around us in accordance with our desires—we believe it because otherwise we can see no favorable outcome. We do not think of the outcome which generally comes to pass and is also favorable: we do not succeed in changing things in accordance with our desires, but gradually our desires change. The situation that we hoped to change because it was intolerable becomes unimportant to us. We have failed to surmount the obstacle, as we were absolutely determined to do, but life has taken us round it, led us beyond it, and then if we turn round to gaze into the distance of the past, we can barely see it, so imperceptible has it become.”
~ Marcel Proust: In Search of Lost Time Some people do things completely differently from the way you would do them. It does not mean that they are right or that you are wrong. It means that people are different. There are things that people say which you would probably say in a different way, at a different time. It does not mean that people are wrong to speak up, to speak out, or to speak their minds. Nor does it mean that you are wrong for choosing not to do so. It means that people are different.
Different is not right or wrong. It is a reality. Differences become problems only when we choose to measure ourselves by our difference in an effort to determine who is right and who is wrong. All people are different from one another. Our different points of view shape our vantage point and our vision. Where we sit is a function of where we have sat. What we can see is a function of what we have seen. Our differences sometimes make agreement difficult to achieve. They should never make us feel wrong or bad about ourselves. Nor should they lead us to believe that what others believe is wrong. Our differences should help us grow in grace and love. ~ Iyanla Vanzant Edward Wilson went with professor Scott on his last expedition to the Antarctic as doctor and zoologist. He endured the terrible winter journey with Bowers and Cherry-Garrard when they went in search of Emperor Penguin eggs (and he was one of the five who reached the South Pole in January 1912. The following words are from Edward Wilson's diary:
The more we try the clearer becomes our insight, and the more we use our thinking faculties the quicker they become in their power of grasping points of truth. Truths are not things we can pick up without taking trouble to hunt for them. And when we find a truth we really posses it, because it is bound to our heart by the process by which we reached it ... through trouble, difficulty or sorrow ... a man binds it into his life. But what is easily come by is easily lost. Every bit of truth that comes into a man's heart burns in him and forces its way out, either in this actions or in his words. Truth is like a lighted lamp in that it cannot be hidden away in the darkness because it carries its own light. Edward Wilson (1872-1912) When I play the piano, I sometimes finish a piece by holding my foot on the sustain pedal and listening intently as the sound fades and eventually merges with the surrounding silence. When the last note is barely audible, there is a moment when I am not certain if I am still hearing the note or imagining it, whether it is part of me or part of the world.
No matter how hard I struggle to discern where I leave off and others begin, ultimately I find that there is no decisive revelation. I cannot convince myself that there is such a place. I cannot find a solid boundary line, only watery expanses, and in the diminuendo I am always being carried out into the world. I grapple with a question once posed by the psychologist June Singer: "The space between us, is it a space that separates us or a space that unites us?" ~ Gregg Levoy Moods are part of the human condition. When you're in a high mood, life looks good. You have perspective and common sense. In high moods, things don't feel so hard, problems seem less formidable and easier to solve. In a high mood, relationships flow easily and communication is easy and graceful.
In low moods, life looks unbearably serious and hard. You have little perspective; it seems as if people are out to get you. Life seems to be all about you and your feelings. You take things personally and often misinterpret the people around you. Rather than staying stuck in a low mood, convinced you are seeing life realistically, you can learn to question your judgment when you're in this state. When you are in a low mood, learn to pass it off as simply that: an unavoidable human condition that will pass with time, if you leave it alone and avoid giving it too much attention. With an understanding of moods, we can learn to be appreciative of our highs and graceful in our lows. When we understand the power that our moods have on our perspective, we will no longer need to react to them or be victims of them. Things will eventually appear to us very differently if we just let them be, for now. ~ Richard Carlson Happiness, to some, elation;
Is, to others, mere stagnation. Days of passive somnolence, At its wildest, indolence. Hours of empty quietness, No delight, and no distress. Happiness to me is wine, Effervescent, superfine. Full of tang and fiery pleasure, Far too hot to leave me leisure For a single thought beyond it. Drunk! Forgetful! This the bond: it Means to give one's soul to gain Life's quintessence. Even pain Pricks to livelier living, then Wakes the nerves to laugh again, Rapture's self is three parts sorrow. Although we must die to-morrow, Losing every thought but this; Torn, triumphant, drowned in bliss. Happiness: We rarely feel it. I would buy it, beg it, steal it, Pay in coins of dripping blood For this one transcendent good. ~ Amy Lowell Let us spend one day as deliberately as Nature, and not be thrown off the track by every nutshell and mosquito's wing that falls on the rails. Let us rise early and fast, or break fast, gently and without perturbation; let company come and let company go, let the bells ring and the children cry—determined to make a day of it.
Why should we knock under and go with the stream? Let us not be upset and overwhelmed in that terrible rapid and whirlpool called a dinner, situated in the meridian shallows. Weather this danger and you are safe, for the rest of the way is downhill. With un-relaxed nerves, with morning vigor, sail by it, looking another way, tied to the mast like Ulysses. If the engine whistles, let it whistle till it is hoarse for its pains. If the bell rings, why should we run? We will consider what kind of music they are like. Let us settle ourselves, and work and wedge our feet downward through the mud and slush of opinion, and prejudice, and tradition, and delusion, and appearance, that allusion which covers the globe. . . . Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it; but while I drink I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slides away, but eternity remains. I would drink deeper; fish in the sky, whose bottom is pebbly with stars. I cannot count one. I know not the first letter of the alphabet. I have always been regretting that I was not as wise as the day I was born. ~ Henry David Thoreau from Walden Quite often we hear people say, "I'm unhappy," as though happiness were the object, or purpose, of life. It isn't, nor can it be. Happiness is an effect, a by-product of something else.
Happiness generally comes most often to productive and creative people when they have found and are engaged in work in which they can lose themselves. We are usually happiest when we are unaware of our happiness. We'll be busily engaged in something that demands our full attention and best talents and suddenly discover, during a pause in the work, that several hours have passed in which we've been completely unaware of the passage of time and our surroundings. And, if we think about it, we'll realize that we were living close to the peak during that time and that we were in a very high array of happiness. Happiness comes when we are doing something for others, too. On Christmas morning, our joy or our happiness can be at a very high level, not because of our anticipation of what we might receive but, rather, in anticipation of watching our loved ones open our gifts to them. So if we can remember that we are happiest when we are doing things for others, when we are busiest, and after we have accomplished something worthwhile, we need never be unhappy again, at least not for long. We need only find a project on which to work, or put in a good hard day doing those things that need to be done, or find a way to do something for others. Then happiness, like a butterfly, will come and land on our sleeve. Happiness is not the purpose of life. It is a by-product of losing ourselves in our work and of doing things for others. Knowing that, we need never be unhappy again. ~ Earl Nightingale One of the most important questions you can ever ask yourself is, "Do I want to be "right"—or do I want to be happy?" Many times, the two are mutually exclusive.
Being right, defending our positions, takes an enormous amount of mental energy and often alienates us from the people in our lives. Needing to be right—or needing someone else to be wrong--encourages others to become defensive, and puts pressure on us to keep defending. Yet, many of us (me, too, at times) spend a great deal of time and energy attempting to prove (or point out) that we are right—and/or others are wrong. Many people, consciously or unconsciously, believe that it's somehow their job to show others how their positions, statements, and points of view are incorrect, and that in doing so, the person they are correcting is going to somehow appreciate it, or at least learn something. Wrong! The truth is, all of us hate to be corrected. We all want our positions to be respected and understood by others. Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart. And those who learn to listen are the most loved and respected. Those who are in the habit of correcting others are often resented and avoided. It's not that it's never appropriate to be right—sometimes you genuinely need to be or want to be. Perhaps there are certain philosophical positions that you don't want to budge on such as when you hear a racist comment. Here, it's important to speak your mind. Usually, however, it's just your ego creeping in and ruining an otherwise peaceful encounter—a habit of wanting or needing to be right. A wonderful, heartfelt strategy for becoming more peaceful and loving is to practice allowing others the joy of being right—give them the glory. Stop correcting. As hard as it may be to change this habit, it's worth any effort and practice it takes. When someone says, "I really feel it's important to. . . " rather than jumping in and saying, "No, it's more important to. . . " or any of the hundreds of other forms of conversational editing, simply let it go and allow their statement to stand. You'll discover the joy of participating in and witnessing other people's happiness, which is far more rewarding than a battle of egos. ~ Richard Carlson The surest way to suppress our ability to recognize the revelation of God is to take things for granted. Indifference to the divine mystery of life is perhaps our greatest shortfall. As civilization continues to advance our sense of wonder continues to decline. Such decline is an alarming symptom of our shortsighted, mortal condition.
Modern society will not perish from a lack of information, but from a lack of compassion. The beginning of our happiness lies in the understanding that life without God is not worth living. What we lack is not a will to believe, but a will to dig deeper - to go the extra mile - to seek until we find - to sincerely search for whatever it is we lack. Awareness of God's divine presence begins with faith and wonder. It is the result of what a person does on the inside. "The kingdom of God is within." (Luke 17:21) The greatest hindrance to such awareness, to discovering the kingdom within, is our lack of motivation to learn more, our failed attempts to understand more, and our inability to pray more. J. E. Royle My Cherokee grandpa taught me this lesson when I was seven. He took me to a fishing hole and asked me to throw a rock into the pond. He asked me what I saw, and I replied that I saw a splash. He asked me what else I saw, and I said a circle of water and another circle and another circle. He then told me that every person was responsible for the kind of splash they made in the world and that the splash would touch many other circles, creating a ripple effect.
I sat there and watched the water until he asked me to notice the muddy bank where we were sitting. He pointed out that one of the circular waves made by my rock was lapping at my feet, having found its way back to me. Then he told me that we all need to be careful of the kinds of splashes we make in the world, because the waves we create will always come back to us. If those splashes were hurtful, we will not welcome them back, but if the splash and the waves were made from goodness, we will be happy to see them come home. The teachings of all major religions on our planet show us these same truths. They ask us to be loving, to respect one another, and to become influences for good. Let us go forth in the world and make a good splash! ~ Jamie Sams The mind of love brings peace, joy, and happiness to ourselves and others. Sound and light have the ability to penetrate everywhere, and love and compassion can do the same. But if our love is only a kind of imagination, then it is not likely to have any real effect. It is in the midst of our daily life and in our actual contact with others that we can know whether our mind of love is really present and how stable it is. If love is real, it will be evident in our daily life, in the way we relate with people and the world.
The source of love is deep in us, and we can help others realize a lot of happiness. One word, one action, or one thought can reduce another person's suffering and bring him or her joy. One word can give comfort and confidence, destroy doubt, help someone avoid a mistake, reconcile a conflict, or open the door to liberation. One action can save a person's life or help him or her take advantage of a rare opportunity. One thought can do the same, because thoughts always lead to words and actions. If love is in our heart, every thought, word, and deed can bring about a miracle. Because understanding is the very foundation of love, words and actions that emerge from our love are always helpful. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh What lifts your spirit and allows you to overcome difficulties? The answer, in part, is very simple: Encouragement. One key element which nurtures encouragement is to stop being judgmental. Watch a baby learn to crawl. Watch a toddler learn to walk. Watch someone learn to play ball again after surgery for a brain tumor, and you will see how important encouragement is.
The important thing isn't the grade your son got; it's the effort he put out. It isn't whether your daughter hit a home run; it's that she went up to the plate and took a swing. The effort is what matters, because as long as we are trying we are fulfilling our mission. "Examine me, O Lord, and try me," the Psalmist wrote. . . . Our children are much better than they think. What kind of mirror do we hold up to them? Do we point out all their faults and problems, or do we point out their beauty and successes? What do you say to your kids when they walk out the door? Stand up straight? Fix your pants? Did you forget your lunch or your books? Do you ever say, "You're a beautiful person. God and I are proud of you." Remember: An overdose of love has no recorded adverse side effects. ~ Bernie Siegel Fear is everywhere—in our culture, in our institutions, in our students, in ourselves—and it cuts us off from everything. Surrounded and invaded by fear, how can we transcend it and reconnect with reality for the sake of teaching and learning? The only path I know that might take us in that direction is the one marked "spiritual."
Fear is so fundamental to the human condition that all the great spiritual traditions originate in an effort to overcome its effects on our lives. With different words, they all proclaim the same core message: "Be not afraid." Though the traditions vary widely in the ways they propose to take us beyond fear, all hold out the same hope: we can escape fear's paralysis and enter a state of grace where encounters with otherness will not threaten us but will enrich our work and our lives. It is important to note with care what that core teaching does and does not say. "Be not afraid" does not say that we should not have fears—and if it did, we could dismiss it as an impossible counsel of perfection. Instead, it says that we do not need to be our fears, quite a different proposition. ~ Parker J. Palmer We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of people to elevate their lives by conscious endeavor. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.
Every person is tasked to make his or her life, even in its details, worthy of the contemplation of their most elevated and critical hour. I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand; instead of a million count half a dozen, and keep your accounts on your thumb-nail. In the midst of this chopping sea of civilized life, such are the clouds and storms and quick sands and thousand-and-one items to be allowed for, that people have to live, if we would not founder and go to the bottom and not make our port at all, by dead reckoning, and they must be great calculators indeed who succeed. Simplify, simplify. Instead of three meals a day, if it be necessary eat but one; instead of a hundred dishes, five; and reduce other things in proportion. . . . Why should we live with such hurry and waste of life? We are determined to be starved before we are hungry. People say that a stitch in time saves nine, and so they take a thousand stitches today to save nine tomorrow. Let us spend one day as deliberately as Nature, and not be thrown off the track by every nutshell and mosquito's wing that falls on the rails. Let us rise early and fast, or break fast, gently and without perturbation; let company come and let company go, let the bells ring and the children cry—determined to make a day of it. Why should we knock under and go with the stream? Let us not be upset and overwhelmed in that terrible rapid and whirlpool called a dinner, situated in the meridian shallows. Weather this danger and you are safe, for the rest of the way is downhill. With unrelaxed nerves, with morning vigor, sail by it, looking another way, tied to the mast like Ulysses. If the engine whistles, let it whistle till it is hoarse for its pains. If the bell rings, why should we run? We will consider what kind of music they are like. Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it; but while I drink I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slides away, but eternity remains. ~ Henry David Thoreau, Walden Some people do things completely differently from the way you would do them. It does not mean that they are one hundred percent right or that you are one hundred percent wrong. It means that people are different. There are things that people say which you would probably say in a different way, at a different time. It does not mean that people are wrong to speak up, to speak out, or to speak their minds. Nor does it mean that you are totally wrong for choosing not to do so. It means that people are different. Different is a reality. Differences become problems only when we choose to measure ourselves by our difference in an effort to determine who is good and who is bad; who is totally right and who is totally wrong.
It is not loving, healthy or necessary to make people wrong for what they do, what they say, or the way in which they do it or say it. Nor is it self-affirming to feel wrong when you see things differently, do things in a different way or express a difference of opinion. Our different points of view shape our vantage point and our vision. Where we sit is a function of where we have sat. What we can see is a function of what we have seen. Our differences can sometimes make agreement difficult to achieve, but they should never make us feel bad. Nor should they lead us to believe that what others believe is totally wrong. Until today, you may have questioned, opposed, resisted or even detested differences. Just for today, open your heart. Be willing to embrace different points of view, different points of view, different habits, different responses, different opinions and the differences that exist between yourself and others. ~ Iyanla Vanzant In the 1964 movie Zorba the Greek, Alexis Zorba describes himself as "the full catastrophe." The truth is, we are all the full catastrophe, only we wish that we weren't. We deny the parts of ourselves that we deem unacceptable rather than accepting the fact that we're all less than perfect.
One of the reasons it's important to accept all aspects of yourself is that it allows you to be easier on yourself, more compassionate. When you act or feel insecure, rather than pretending to be "together," you can open to the truth and say to yourself, "I'm feeling a little frightened and that's okay." If you're feeling a little jealous, greedy, or angry, rather than deny or bury your feelings, you can open up to them, which helps you move through them quickly and grow beyond them. When you no longer think of your negative feelings as a big deal, or as something to fear, you will no longer be as frightened by them. When you open to the totality of your being you no longer have to pretend that your life is perfect, or even hope that it will be. Instead you can accept yourself as you are, right now. Rather than judging and evaluating yourself harshly, see if you can treat yourself with loving-kindness and acceptance. You may indeed be "the full catastrophe," but you can relax about it. So are the rest of us. ~ Richard Carlson |
Jason E. Royle
Welcome to my blog. I'm an open-minded theologian committed to Christ-like compassion & understanding. Categories
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